~Goodbye 1430H and Welcome 1431H~

Never look back in anger... always be positive... be good to others... cheer up!... love everyone in your life! Insya Allah...

~syukur ke hadrat Illahi~

bersyukur Alhamdulillah...rezeki.. ada di mana2, datang tanpa diduga, tepat pada masa, yg penting, usaha & tawakkal...

~Dilarang Menggaru??~

Ayat yang paling mudah macam ni pun masih tak dapat diterjemahkan dengan baik dalam bahasa inggeris...

~Apakah~

Apakah yang difikirkan oleh orang yang suka menyusahkan orang lain...

Apakah yang bersarang di benak insan (layakkah dipanggil insan?) yang suka menangguh-nangguhkan kerja sehingga penyelesaian masalah orang lain tergendala?
Apakah cara kehidupan mereka yang gemar bermalas-malasan?
Apakah yang membuatkan manusia seperti itu bertindak sedemikian rupa?
Apakah yang terjadi kepada manusia zaman sekarang?
Apakah?

Ada sesiapa yang boleh meleraikan persoalan2 ini?

~The ' L I T T L E ' Things~

As you might remember, the head of a company survived
9/11 because his son started kindergarten.

Another fellow was alive because it was
His turn to bring donuts.

On e woman was late because her
Alarm clock didn't go off in time.

On e was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike
Because of an auto accident.

On e of them
Missed his bus.

On e spilled food on her clothes and had to take
Time to change.

On e's
Car wouldn't start.

On e couldn't
Get a taxi.

The one that struck me was the man
Who put on a new pair of shoes that morning,
Took the various means to get to work
But before he got there, he developed
A blister on his foot.
He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid.
That is why he is alive today..



Now when I am
Stuck in traffic,
Miss an elevator,
Turn back to answer a ringing telephone ...

All the little things that annoy me.
I think to myself,
This is exactly where
God wants me to be
At this very moment..

Next time your morning seems to be
Going wrong,
The children are slow getting dressed,
You can't seem to find the car keys,
You hit every traffic light,
Don't get mad or frustrated;
It May be just that
God is at work watching over you.
tching over you.

May God continue to bless you
With all those annoying little things
And may you remember their possible purpose.

~Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha~

Atau Hari Raya Qurban... 

Pengorbanan... apa yang anda korbankan untuk diri anda sendiri atau orang di sekeliling anda?

Apa jua bentuk pengorbanan yang dilakukan... diharapkan agar ia mendapat keredhaan dan keberkatanNya...

~nota pada 28/10/2008~

-the grass always looks greener on the other side-

As wat people always said...but i don't wanna envy THAT grass anymore, Make a step further, and i found tis..something which i supposed to do looooooong ago. It's never too late. U can always visit and choose wat u like..it's all on your imagination............


Bon apetite!

~nota pada 11/02/2007~

Tahun baru datang lagi! Yei! Usia pun bertambah satu angka...but for me, age is just a number... no big deal! Agak terlambat utk aku mengucapkan Selamat Tahun Baru, kan... hehehe... Sejak akhir-akhir ini masa terlalu menuntut kehidupan aku. Apa agaknya yang menanti di tahun baru ni? Kita imbas semula apa yang telah dilalui tahun lalu..................................................................

2006 - Alhamdulillah, tahun yang aku tinggalkan tidaklah begitu payah untuk dilalui. Meski pada awalnya terlalu banyak dugaan yang perlu aku tempuh, terutama kerjaya dan kehidupan peribadi. Tapi berkat kesungguhan diri sendiri untuk melupakan apa yang berlaku, aku berjaya menempuhnya. Hanya kerana aku percaya, Tuhan itu tidak akan menguji kita sekiranya kita tak mampu menempuhinya. Selepas bangkit drpd kepayahan, sedikit demi sedikit langkah mengorak ke hadapan. Sekaligus merubah hidup yang sedang aku sendiri tak menyangka ia akan berlaku. Sbg penulis skrip/wartawan penyiaran bebas, aku bebas berkarya... dalam apa jua bentuk penulisan, termasuk dokumentari, majalah, travelogue, ehwal semasa, teknologi, video korporat, dll... Kecuali, drama/filem...memang aku surrender. Rasanya ia menuntut imaginasi yang terlalu tinggi... walaupun pd dasarnya aku gemar berimaginasi. Ok, aku tinggalkan 2006 dgn harapan thn baru ini akan menjadi lebih baik. Bukankah berfikiran positif itu menjadikan minda kita lebih terbuka?

2007 - Aku tempuh dgn keyakinan dan azam yg lebih kukuh. Doaku tidak pernah putus, mengharapkan segala yang aku lakukan memperoleh kebaikan dan kejayaan. Pernah seorang teman mengirim khabar dgn kata-kata, "Bangsa sendiri tak pandai nak menilai kebolehan anak bangsa. Tahniah. Kau dah maju selangkah lagi," Ye, saat menerima sms itu, kaki berpijak di bumi Singapura, selepas 2 minggu menghasilkan karya bersama seorang teman[?] di Kota Singa ini. Kami pulang ke Kuala Lumpur utk jangkamasa yg amat singkat, sekadar melunaskan perkara-perkara penting yg telah tertinggal hampir sekian lama... selain melepaskan rindu bersama mama dan ayah. Kaki melangkah ke Kota Singa sekali lagi utk beberapa waktu sehingga karya selesai dilaksanakan.

Tuah dan rezeki tidak datang bergolek... kerana kami yakin selama ini kami berusaha sedaya upaya memajukan diri masing-masing dan inilah hasilnya. Jika 2006 menyaksikan karya aku bersiaran di kaca tv Brunei, kali ini di tv Singapura. Sesuatu yg tidak pernah aku impikan walaupun selama ini aku sering bermimpikan yg indah-indah menyelimuti hidup aku. Peluang yg dtg saat kesedihan menyelubungi jiwa, tidak aku lepaskan. Niat awal sekadar mengiringi teman dan menunjuk selok-belok perjlnan di kota Singa... rupa-rupanya rezeki terbentang di depan mata. Lalu, aku dan dia terus sama-sama gagah mengorak langkah  dan percaya segala yg berlaku mmg ada hikmahnya. 

Ayah dan mama pernah kata, "Doa orang teraniaya, termakbul." Ye, aku pegang kata-kata itu utk mengelak diri terus kecundang dgn perasaan sedih itu. Bukankah Allah itu adil? 

Aku tak perlu merafak sembah pd insan lain, semata-mata utk terus kekal di situ dan aku tak perlu gentar dgn manusia biasa lain. Sebabnya, aku percaya dgn kebolehan dan bakat aku sendiri... dan yg penting, Allah sentiasa berada di sisi, apa yg perlu aku risaukan? Dia lebih tahu.
Syukur, alhamdulillah... tak henti-henti hati bermunajat, mengucap syukur dgn apa yg diberi-Nya.

Nasihat aku pd teman-teman (kalau boleh dipanggil nasihatlah) Terimalah apa yg berlaku dlm kehidupan kita dgn hati yg terbuka. Setiap insan dianugerahi rezeki masing-masing, yg berbeda... Ucaplah syukur. Jangan sampai menyakitkan hati dan perasaan org lain semata-mata utk memuaskan kehendak sendiri. Kerana... apa yg kita buat pd org lain akan terkena pd batang hidung sendiri.. What goes around comes around... till then.

- salam dari Kota Singa

~nota pada 17/11/2006~

Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart are real weak and most susceptible?
Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need someone to protect them?
Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are:
                      I love you, Sorry and Help me
Did you know that those who dress in red are more confident in themselves?
Did you know that those who dress in yellow are those that enjoy their beauty?
Did you know that those who dress in black, are those who want to be unnoticed and need your help and understanding?
Did you know that when you help someone, the help is returned in two folds?
Did you know that it's easier to say what you feel in writing than saying it to someone in the face? But did you know that it has more value when you say it to their face?
Did you know that if you ask for something in faith, your wishes are granted?
Did you know that you can make your dreams come true, like falling in love, becoming rich, staying healthy, if you ask for it by faith, and if you really knew, you'd be surprised by what you could do.

But don't believe everything I tell you, until you try it for yourself, if you know someone that is in need of something that I mentioned, and you know that you can help, you'll see that it will be returned in two-fold.

~nota pada 17/08/2006~

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
Allow your intuition or spirit to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends".
A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better."
You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.

He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat You any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you,speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.

If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is a two Way street.

You need time to heal between relationships... there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, And you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted. Isn't this TRUE!!!!!

Never move into his mother's house.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

~nota pada 17/08/2006~

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
Allow your intuition or spirit to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends".
A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better."
You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.

He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat You any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you,speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.

If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is a two Way street.

You need time to heal between relationships... there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, And you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted. Isn't this TRUE!!!!!

Never move into his mother's house.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

~nota pada 11/08/2006~

Those wacky days...early August 2006...

As my life went VERY slow, real slow-mo (luckily havent got into mental depression yet), i got an opportunity to get involve in a docu-drama, a special tv programme which will be aired on tv9 this coming 49th independence day. I dont wanna talk about the drama but the experience i gained with the most fun production team i've ever met. This particular production team has taught me the meaning of new friendship and to have fun while working under pressure.

The shooting took place in different part of districts in northern states, namely, Kuala Kangsar and Taiping (Perak), Kulim (Kedah) and Bukit Mertajam (Penang). Being involved in such working environment (for quite sometimes now), i tell you, this is hectic. We've gotta travel to different location (which is quite far from one another) in one day! A part of that, we also have to spend hours waiting for the right train to stop in Taiping railway station, or riding a nice-old bus around the village (oh, i forgot to take the photo of the bus...hisshh).


Night scene at Taiping Railway Station...the train would be here at midnight
But we managed to get away with the feeling. There was not even a stressfull thought in our mind. Know why, because of the friends i make that day...the production team itself. There were loud laughters, giggles, hectors, at everywhere, everytime, anywhere and anytime. I was just couldnt stop laughing or smiling at least. They were so funny and that's including the director.



So far, i've met directors who normally are serious or at least, very quiet. But this time around, the director is somehow as same as the other members of the crew. He giggles, laughs, makes jokes or funny faces, and smile all the way...Still we respect him. I would never forget the way he ran (it's a spontaneous thing, so i didnt grab my camera) or sang (oh, he likes singing and has a good voice too). And still, the smile on his face...
There were 3 vans -ViP (as they called it..hihi), equipment, crew, and 2 cars -Gen-2, Perdana, consist of 18 of us! It's quite a big production team (and transportation) i would say (yea laa, for such a short docu-drama..) I could easily know and get together with each and every single person in the team, only on day 1!


Each person has his/her own character that i'll never forget. I will always remember the words they utter, the laugh they made, the jokes they respond to, every single thing...
Like, "Eh, banyaknya flyover kat sini" (ey, there's a lot of flyover here)...it was when there was a lot of flies at the cendol stall and someone said it. He intended not to hurt the stall owner's feeling.
or, "Saya nak cendol, tapi tak mau itu hijau-hijau (cendol)" (i want cendol without the cendol)...i just cant still imagine or really know the intention of the person. But then, the hawker gave him a bowl of ABC (air batu campur) without anything inside except blended ice with syrup...and that was after the 2nd bowl ordered by the person.

Someone had also got onto the Gen-2 and clinged on the bonnet after dinner on the last night we had together. It was lasted for few minutes and been for 100 meters away from the parking lot. 

Well, it was actually one of my hectic-yet-fun schedules in my life. The holiday that i supposed to have, ended with a stand-in job. But i love it! Maybe because of the working environment i got this time, a different one!

At the end of the day, i have new friends...and having good time is the most important aspect in whatever i do. Looking forward to having good time again (or, the real holiday)...till then...............................

~nota pada 01/07/2005~

1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex.
    ……… - you’re completely in love with this person

2. Which is your favourite colour out of red, black, blue, green, yellow?
    Red – You are alert and your life is full of love

3. Your first initial?
    S - You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.

4. Your month of birth?
    May - You will have a strong love relationship that will last long and the memories will last forever.

5. Which colour do you like more, black or white?
    White - You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.

6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
    ……… - This person is your bestfriend

7. Your favourite number?
    Eight (8) - This is how many close friends you have in your lifetime.

8. Do you like Sydney or Brisbane more?
    Sydney – You like adventure

9. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?
    Ocean – You’re spontaneous and like to please people

10. Write down a wish (a realistic one).

~nota pada 12/06/2006~

Ya Allah...aku memerlukan kekuatan untuk terus mengharungi kehidupan yang
serba mencabar fizikal dan minda aku. Dan sesungguhnya aku mahu dia terus
berada di sisiku seperti sebelum ini, selamanya. Jangan Kau bawa dirinya jauh
dariku kerana sungguh, aku tak sanggup kehilangannya...antara insan yang
kusayangi untuk seumur hidup aku. Kau berilah aku kekuatan dan kesabaran dalam
menghadapi sebarang masalah kehidupan yang penuh dengan pancaroba ini...Amin-

~nota pada 16/05/2006~

I got this from a good friend of mine...it was really at the right time..i felt so relief, i feel so small...i've made soooooo many mistakes, simple mistakes, stupid mistakes, be there done that...i admit...Terlalu besar dan banyaknya kurniaan Illahi...tapi kita, manusia, seringkali lupa diri dan jarang sekali mensyukuri dengan apa yang diberi...Astaghfirullahalazim...

Ketahuilah olehmu…

Jika kau merasa lelah dan tak berdaya dari usaha yang sepertinya sia-sia…

Allah SWT tahu betapa keras engkau sudah berusaha.

Ketika kau sudah menangis sekian lama dan hatimu terasa pedih…

Allah SWT sudah menghitung airmatamu.

Jika kau fikir bahawa hidupmu sedang menunggu sesuatu dan waktu serasa berlalu begitu saja…

Allah SWT sedang menunggu bersamamu.

Ketika kau merasa sendirian dan teman-temanmu terlalu sibuk untuk menelefon…

Allah SWT selalu ada di sampingmu.

Ketika kau fikir bahawa kau telah mencuba segalanya dan tidak tahu hendak berbuat apa lagi…

Allah SWT punya jawapannya.

Ketika segala sesuatu menjadi tidak masuk akal dan kau merasa tertekan…

Allah SWT dapat menenangkanmu.

Jika tiba-tiba kau dapat melihat jejak-jejak harapan…
Allah SWT sedang berbisik kepadamu.
Ketika segala sesuatu berjalan lancar dan kau merasa ingin mengucap syukur…
Allah SWT telah memberkatimu.
Ketika sesuatu yang indah terjadi dan kau dipenuhi ketakjuban…
Allah SWT telah tersenyum kepadamu.
Ketika kau memiliki tujuan untuk dipenuhi dan mimpi untuk digenapi…
Allah SWT sudah membuka matamu dan memanggilmu dengan namamu.
Ingat bahawa di mana pun kau atau ke mana pun kau mengadap…

ALLAH SWT TAHU………….

~nota pada 09/05/2006~

If a girl cries in front of u,
It means that she can't take it anymore.
If u take her hand,
She would stay with u for the rest of ur life,
If u let her go, It will be hard for her to go back to being herself with you once again.
A gal wont cry easily, Except in front of the person whom she loves the most, She becomes weak. A gal wont cry easily,
Only when she loves u the most, She put down her ego.
Guys, If a gal cries bcoz of u, Please hold her hands firmly, Coz she's the one who is willing to stay with u 4 for the rest of ur life.
Guys, If a gal cries bcoz of u,
Please dont give her up, Maybe bcoz of ur decision, You'll ruin her life.
When she cries right in front of u,
When she cries bcoz of u,
Look into her eyes,
Can u see n feel the pain n hurt she's feeling?
Think.
Which other girl has cried with pure sincerity, In front of u, And bcoz of u?
She cries not because she is weak,
She cries not bcoz she wants sympathy or pity,
She cries, Because crying silently is no longer possible, The pain, hurt n agony have bcome too big a burden to be kept inside.
Guys, Think about it, If a gal cries her heart out to u,
And all because of u,
Its time to look back on wat u have done,
Only u will know the answer to it.
Do consider it,
Coz one day, It may b too late for regrets,
It may b too late to say "im sorry".

~nota pada 03/05/2006~

saya tak suka bila saya rindukan awak saya tak suka bila hati saya sedih saya tak suka bila mata saya pedih saya tak suka bila dada saya sesak saya tak suka bila jiwa saya memberontak saya tak suka bila saya tak tau di mana awak saya tak suka bila fikiran saya mereka-reka cerita yang entah ya entah tidak saya tak suka jauh daripada awak saya tak suka bila tak dapat menatap wajah awak saya tak suka bila tak dapat mendengar suara awak saya tak suka bila tak bersama awak saya tak suka hidup dalam penantian saya tak suka tak jadi orang yg utama dalam hidup awak saya tak suka bila saya sedar saya tiada hak atas diri awak saya tak suka saat ini saat ini saya sangat rindukan awak sampai jiwa memberontak sampai hati berteriak sampai satu-satu titik air mata mencium pipi saya saya tak suka bila saya rindukan awak tapi apa daya saya... "oh Tuhan, tolong.."

~nota pada 03/03/2006~

The problems with GUYS: If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him; If u Don't, he says u are PROUD. If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him; If u Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG. If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN; If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS. If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE; If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT. If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u; If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?) If u don't make love with him., he says u don't Love him; If u do he says u are CHEAP. If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROBLESOME; If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him. If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him; If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u. (Bullshit) If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED; If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so. If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl; If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMAN. If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK; If he does WELL, it's BRAINS. If u HURT him, u are CRUEL; If he HURTS u, u are too ! SENSITIVE!! & sooo hard to please!!!!! If u send this to guys, they will swear that it's not true....... but if u don't, they say u are selfish..... The moral of the story is.......SEND THIS TO GUYS OUT THERE ANYWAY...

~nota pada 27/02/2006~

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If Allah allowed us to go through without obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as we could have been. And...we would never fly.

-Dr. Hishamuddin Alham

~nota pada 01/02/2006~

Today, after quite sometimes, i'm back at the driving range. It's been a while, i would say. Today, only i noticed that i hadn't had enough time for myself since i left everything behind. For nearly half a year, my time was full of workloads. There was a fun-filled-good-time once before i've been a slave for myself (should i say 'slave'?)...i'm devoting myself with works mostly. There's no more fun-filled day in my life. I left my friends, my beloved ones, my own feeling, just to make sure that i'll move on and gonna through this! It's actually not quite a big deal for me. I've taught to be independent, to love myself, to cherish the moment i've been through, to respect others, and bout all the good and bad things in life. Thus, i'm gonna take these to make my life easier. That's why i said, being a workaholic is not such a big deal for me. But, somehow i realize i have to have a quality time for myself...which i hope a second would do :) coz time flies (though somehow, sometimes, i feel lonely). I want to achieve something, not that extraordinary, but something which i can be proud of (what, you didn't before, did you?). Well, man will never satisfied for what they have. That's including me.

Luckily, alhamdulillah, i have someone who can really guide me through the journey. With his help, and God's willing, we gonna get what we wanted. He is special to me, VERY i would say. I love him, but i can't do much. I can't have him for the rest of my life. But i'm pretty sure, whenever we achieve our dreams, that gonna be the best moment i will never had in my entire life. And frankly, whatever you give, will give and have given me, i take those as precious gifts i have ever received from someone i love. Coz i know, we both are complicated... As a good friend of mine said it once, "Enjoy your moment spent together while you both can still enjoy it. Never regret coz those gonna be precious to both of you. Trust me!" I can't agree more for what she's said...but, can i do the things she said? Well i guess i have to try or else times fly by...which i hate the most.

To my good friend, how i really wish my story gonna be ended like yours...and thanks a million for all the advices, the talks we had, the fun we enjoyed, the laughter we made, the sadness we shared...and mostly everything! I miss those moment. Not forgetting, congrats on your recent surprising news! I'm happy for both of you (since the three of us are good friends :)) Finally you both gonna live happily ever after..hehehe...

To my beloved friend, sometimes, somehow, we're giving each other a really hard times. But i really enjoy being with you. I feel protected and be loved (though not always). But i know, deep inside your heart, there's a feeling that you can't tell. I'm still be thankful for your existance in my life though. In other words, i love you...thank you for being there whenever i need a shoulder to cry on. You are a part of my life and you are someone i can count on. Trust me, i never feel the way i do, to a guy like you, not even to my 'someone'. I love you, my dear friend...

~nota pada 01/02/2006~

Today, after quite sometimes, i'm back at the driving range. It's been a while, i would say. Today, only i noticed that i hadn't had enough time for myself since i left everything behind. For nearly half a year, my time was full of workloads. There was a fun-filled-good-time once before i've been a slave for myself (should i say 'slave'?)...i'm devoting myself with works mostly. There's no more fun-filled day in my life. I left my friends, my beloved ones, my own feeling, just to make sure that i'll move on and gonna through this! It's actually not quite a big deal for me. I've taught to be independent, to love myself, to cherish the moment i've been through, to respect others, and bout all the good and bad things in life. Thus, i'm gonna take these to make my life easier. That's why i said, being a workaholic is not such a big deal for me. But, somehow i realize i have to have a quality time for myself...which i hope a second would do :) coz time flies (though somehow, sometimes, i feel lonely). I want to achieve something, not that extraordinary, but something which i can be proud of (what, you didn't before, did you?). Well, man will never satisfied for what they have. That's including me.

Luckily, alhamdulillah, i have someone who can really guide me through the journey. With his help, and God's willing, we gonna get what we wanted. He is special to me, VERY i would say. I love him, but i can't do much. I can't have him for the rest of my life. But i'm pretty sure, whenever we achieve our dreams, that gonna be the best moment i will never had in my entire life. And frankly, whatever you give, will give and have given me, i take those as precious gifts i have ever received from someone i love. Coz i know, we both are complicated... As a good friend of mine said it once, "Enjoy your moment spent together while you both can still enjoy it. Never regret coz those gonna be precious to both of you. Trust me!" I can't agree more for what she's said...but, can i do the things she said? Well i guess i have to try or else times fly by...which i hate the most.

To my good friend, how i really wish my story gonna be ended like yours...and thanks a million for all the advices, the talks we had, the fun we enjoyed, the laughter we made, the sadness we shared...and mostly everything! I miss those moment. Not forgetting, congrats on your recent surprising news! I'm happy for both of you (since the three of us are good friends :)) Finally you both gonna live happily ever after..hehehe...

To my beloved friend, sometimes, somehow, we're giving each other a really hard times. But i really enjoy being with you. I feel protected and be loved (though not always). But i know, deep inside your heart, there's a feeling that you can't tell. I'm still be thankful for your existance in my life though. In other words, i love you...thank you for being there whenever i need a shoulder to cry on. You are a part of my life and you are someone i can count on. Trust me, i never feel the way i do, to a guy like you, not even to my 'someone'. I love you, my dear friend...

~nota pada 21/06/2006~

I Love You, But You Never Hear Me

I Love You, But You Never Care About Me

I Love You, But You Never Say It Back To Me

I love You, But You Never Even Think About Me

I Love You, But You Never Talk To Me

I Love You, But You Never Walk With Me

I Love You, But Have You Ever Dream About Me?

I Love You, But Have You Ever Notice Me?

And If I Love You With All My Heart...Would You Love Me Back?

Because Now I knew....No Matter How Much I Love You... You Will Never Know...

All This While I've Been Loving You... You Never Know Me That I'm Here...

~nota pada 20/01/2006~

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
one old love she can imagine going back to...
and one who reminds her how far she has come...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
enough money within her
control to move out and
rent a place of her own
even if she never wants
to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
one friend who always makes
her laugh... and one who lets
her cry...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
how to fall in love without
losing herself...

~nota pada 28/12/2005~

Now that I know I'm not that well anymore...I need to be stronger...and to make sure I have my meals on time. Eeerrrghhh...i dont like milk, but have to drink it. I can't skip meal anymore...but actually, I never did! It just that I didn't take it on time...Hahaha!!! Yeah...yeah..blame me for it.

But above all...life's like this...today you may be healthy and strong, still have a chance to make life to the fullest, but you'll never know tomorrow. In short, be happy of what you are...be grateful of what you have...and always be there for your love ones...coz you will never know.............................................

~nota pada 25/12/2005~

How would you feel looking into the eyes of the person you love and yet you know it won't be yours forever? I bet you just can't...you can't control the mixed feeling deep inside your heart...the heartache...you love the person...you miss him/her...yet you mad/angry/hate, simultaneously...all the things or feelings which drive you crazy whenever you think of him/her.

It's hard to forget someone who was once your bestfriend...yet your boyfriend/girlfriend at another stage...after a while, after the feelings grew...you're left alone...And how would you feel, what would you do, seeing him/her right in front of your eyes, walking hand in hand with someone else, and can still smiling, softly greets you...like nothing happens between you?
It's been hard for me for quite sometimes now. I thought I could get through this easily and without hesitate. But, at the end of the day, I realize that I'm weak. My brain gets tired, slower and weaker than anyone else ever imagine. I'm not trying to be hypocrite, I hate that, but I'm trying my best to be me...to be myself. The one whom my friends and family know best. But, where...............
I, myself, sometimes, searching where I've been...where I am...I'm losing it...I'm losing the grip. I still need someone to pull me up, to pull me through this. Other than praying, I can't do much to get this feeling or thought out of my mind, alone. The worst, I keep these all by myself. I'm not ready to tell anyone, not even my closest friend. The only thing I need is people seeing me as what I am...as strong, as happy, as bubbly as they know all these while...forever. Other than that, nope, no way they'll know what I'm thinking or feeling.

Sounds like selfish...but heck...hell with what people saying. And trust me, I can be as cruel as you can ever imagine. Don't hate me if i get too serious or cynical at times. I'm a Gemini, can change my personality in a split second. So, forgive me for what I am.

But above all...I love my friends, my family...for being there, through my ups and downs. Though I guess, they would be the last persons on earth to know what happens to me, yet they still accept me...sharing the odd and happy times together. I'm still not alone I hope. They are my strength, but believe me, I'm not as strong as I was before. I need times to heal...and to be able laughing or smiling sincerely...as I lost my strength when someone told that I'm not his someone anymore........................................

~nota pada 08/11/2005~

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends
with a tear.....
Love Is...
Love is when you wake up, he is already on your mind.
Love is when you lost your heart, he is all that you can find.
Love is when you want to be the one to dry his eyes.
Love is when you see the truth in every one of his lies.
Love is when you want to listen to all his whims and woes.
Love is when you want him to take care everywhere he goes.
Love is when he calls you, your heart goes a flutter.
Love is when you see him, "I love you..." you silently stutter.
Love is when you tell the world that you love him so.
Love is when you've told the world, but he doesn't know.
Love is when you know you'll still love him when he's lost his hair.
Love is when your eyes light up when you see him there.
Love is also when you hear your heart break when he held hands with her.
Love is also when you crumbled as you hear them say that it will last forever.
Love is also when you cry inside yet smile outside when they say hi to you.
Love is also when you held your breath and said, "How do you do?"
Love is also when you let him go, you know he is happy now.
Love is also when you know you'll get over him somehow.
Love is also when his happiness is what matters to you.
Love is also when you let him love her, and not love you true.
Love is when you'll still love him...and still, he'll never know.
Love is when you'll swallow the pain and slowly let go.
Yet love is a funny thing..
Love is when you smile when you hear that it's him and her no more.
Love is when you hear he sent her through the door.
Love is when you try to bump into him again.
Love is when he'll say hi to you and there is no more pain.
Love is suddenly real love when he says he loves you too.
Love is suddenly real love when his life revolves around you.
Love is suddenly real love when he's always loved you but he didn't dare.
Love is suddenly real love when he's always loved you but thought you didn't care.
Love is suddenly real love when now it's all coming true.
Love is suddenly real love when you love him and he loves you.
Love is suddenly real love when now your life is nearly complete.
Love is suddenly real love when everyday, it's him you meet.
Love is suddenly real love when your friends accept him too.
Love is suddenly real love when you can have time for them and him and you...

~nota pada 26/09/2005~

That was it...the longest ever assigned week in my entire life! Never felt like it before although it's as usual as my other assignment...Phew! Finally i'm back in town after 8 days working as hell out of me...

Rasa lama sangat keja aku kali ni...pasal apa ek? Setiap hari menghitung masa yang lambat sangat berlalu....i miss everything back at home! I miss my bed, my pillows (more than u can imagine....), i miss every single thing i left at home...especially my baby....I really miss it!

Anyway, there's nothing much to talk bout Alor Star, Kedah...Yeah, i can't agree more on the spectacular view of the mountain, hills, paddy-fields, villages...such a remarkable feeling being surrounded by those scenic view. For a moment, somehow i forgot bout things which hurt me most, and i forgot what had happened to me for the last few months...i felt relief, free from those heartache and headache...i tried to gain back my strength...i believe that time cools, time clarifies and time will heal all my feelings, perceptions towards life...life is such that things happen when you least expect them.

I met a few long-lost friends there...I can never thank them for spending such a short time with me, just because they missed having me around. We had a great chat over our old-time-students' life...of how great it was being students, didn't have to think much bout responsibilities. All we know was only studied for exam purposes. Now things change...each of us has our own way of life...they might be married, having a great family, some may have difficulties in their marriage, but me...Somehow i'm proud of myself, though i'm still single, yet i'm happy with the way i lead my life. I love my job, trying my best to build up a business, with the guide, help, sacrifice and working hand in hand from a very good-loving friend of mine...And i will never feel regret because of it.

The best thing was, there's a friend whom sacrifice his day-off, drove all his way up from penang, just to meet me before i left the state. And all because of the friendship which has been tied up for quite sometimes. Maybe that's the true meaning of friendship. I can never thank them for that...

It might be the longest ever assigned week for me, but i learnt something from it...Each moment of life is miracle and mystery. And I shall remember and treasure all the precious moment i've spent with whom i love throughout the years...

"There are 2 kind of friends: Those who are around you when you need them, and those who are around you when they need you."

So, which type of friend are YOU belong?

~nota pada 03/09/2005~

Know what i've learnt during my recent assignment in Ipoh?...Hmmm, it was GOLF..One of the last thing on earth i would do (read it as 'before' this...) All these while, throughout the years, i never like the sport. I always think that people who play golf is err....how should i put it?...nevermind, forget it!

Anyway, GOLF? Why golf? Why now? Mom has pushed me to try it out since i finished studying. But, she would never succeed to persuade me. Till the day my producer and the crew brought me over to the Ipoh Driving Range...i really thought it was nonsense. What am i going to do while you guys having fun hitting that small tiny little ball? It was a hot sunny day...and i really didn't like it at all. In fact, they forced me to hit the ball! But, after a while, it changed my mind. Yeah, i started to like it. Hehe...funny isn't it? How could that be? I have no idea.......so, since that particular day, we went to the same place nearly EVERY day...whenever we finished working, we'll be at the driving range.

Now i'm back in KL...and been spending time at driving range whenever possible. Sorry, mom! I have to admit that i'm gonna spend more time on it and practise my hit till i got it right...the best thing of playing golf is, i have friends who share the same interest. And a free coaching too! Hahaha! Thanks, guys! You are the best!

Today i got my 1st ever golf set....there goes my saving....but i don't feel regret. I'm satisfied and gonna do it right...with the right coach, of course...I'm sure i'm gonna do it better..although it may gonna take some times....but, yeah...at least, i can keep fit, improve my focus (which has already out of the track lately), and i'm gonna have fun!

Can't wait for tomorrow...hehehe....(still, it just a small tiny little ball!)

~nota pada 03/09/2005~

The day I saw you, it was nothing.
But as your presence kept on showing,
with the way you talk, you laugh, you smile,
and as you drove me miles and miles,
I started enjoying your existence,
and at that point I kept my distance.
I merely watch with words unspoken.
For I realized, we both were taken.
I kept my feelings because I am scared.
I never meant to treat you bad.
But as you talk of girls you like,
I kept telling myself, "Go take a hike."
As time went by, I kept my silence.
To say 'I love you', I thought was nonsense.
I see the future, we are not together.
I kept thinking I will not stay forever.
So I deny the way I feel,
believe that time will make it heal.
I never plan to tell you anything.
So I will not be excited over everything.
Now I am sad because you know,
I want to love but I could not show.
I am so scared that I cannot let go.
The worst part is you like me so.
Since then I cried for what to do,
I miss you so much if you only knew.
I could not bring myself to say
or how I wish for you to stay.
I really want to show I care
but still the future is not ours to share.
And each time I think, it brings despair.
Because losing you, I cannot bear!

(...copyright reserved, V...)

~nota pada 13/08/2005~

It's so hard to find a friend like you,
you're someone I can talk to,
and always tell the truth.
A friend when we're together,
and a friend when we're apart,
you're someone I can lean on
when I've got a broken heart.
You share in all my happiness,
and feel all my sorrow,
you're someone that's there to tell me
'there will always be tomorrow.'
It's so hard to find a friend like you,
you're someone to hold my hand,
you're there to guide me through.
A friend to share my problems with,
and talk to everyday,
you're somoene who comforts my mind,
and always knows what to say.
You know me so very well,
a better match we couldn't be,
you're someone to realize that when I do wrong,
that it's not really me.
It's so hard to find a friend like you,
you're someone I can't live without,
I couldn't imagine what I'd do.
A friend to live with until the end,
a tie I couldn't sever,
you're someone that I know will live
within my heart forever.
You are a friend to help me stand,
when i've fallen to the floor,
and you're someone I care so much about,
a friend, and so much more.

p/s: A big thank you and a huge hug for you, whom I called 'honey', my friend...

~nota pada 31/07/2005~

People may forget what you said.
People may forget what you did.
But people will never forget how you made them feel...

~nota pada 31/07/2005~

"When you REALLY want something, sometimes you have to swim a little deeper...You can't give up just because things don't come easy.
You have to overcome the obstacles and face your fears...But in the end, it's all worthwhile!
Life is full of ups and downs, but if you belief in yourself you will always come through with flying colours.
Value friendship, love and faith. Never underestimate yourself. If you follow my advice you can never go wrong!
Look into my eyes and read my mind...find yourself and be yourself (I'll be searching for you.....)"

~nota pada 22/07/2005~

Do i deserve this? Is it happened bcoz of what had happened to me last time? Should i leave?......most probably those who know my situation will say, "Yes, you should!" But, i can't...not that i can't leave him....but then, i'm not that strong...All these while people might see me being very strong, physically and mentally, but to that extend, no, i realize i'm not that strong! I'm sad, frustrated, hurt, weak, confuse....everything mixed up...but i pray not to tense....though i'm weak now...Why all these happen to me? We love each other so much but at the same time we know that it's not gonna work...it's not gonna lead our relationship anywhere! Please...don't do this to me!

~nota pada 25/05/2005~

"How u feel being 27 and still single?"

What a question...think easy to answer, is it? Well, somehow i try to answer it in 2 ways...

1) Being 27 is great! As i grow older, i'm wiser...Seriously, i know my limitation. Now, i would rather listen to people than to accuse them of things...hehehe...So, once i heard the question, i think twice, or more...I've received, learnt, and got so many valuable things in life of being single at this age. I love my family very much! I can still be there with them and they always by my side through my ups and downs. And the best thing is, they're soooo supportive in what i'm doing...although sometimes i feel very, very upset bout something or when the time tht i've got nothing to spend with them including spare time or money.
Being 27 and still single has brought me to the best meaning of friendships...there are friends who'll be there when they need us and there are friends who'll be there when we need them. Hmm...Such a peculiar thing, but it happens in our life. Thank God, such friends exist in my life. Than only i know how important i am in their life and vice versa. We had fun together, sharing laughter and tears, and the list goes on...
Being single doesn't mean i don't have any responsibilities...I have bills to pay at the end of every single month. But, i'm happy for what i've spent. I work hard and it's such a reward to have responsibilities like this. It makes me stronger and think wisely bout spending money. The best thing is, i can travel with my very own money to places i wanna go whenever i want! Hehehe...

2) However, there are things which i don't like being single at the age of 27...Looking at my other friends whom already married and have a family to take care, somehow i envy. They're so lucky, thus, they can see their toddlers growing up at a very young age. Hmm...I can't comment much on this. For me, they're lucky enough of having their own family and path to move on.
Me? I'll wait till the time comes. I'm very sure the time will come and it will be the best moment in my entire life. I'm waiting for someone to fall in love and ready to build a great family with me ;-)

Well...this year, i would say, it's the best birthday i've ever had in my whole life! Coz, those whom i really love were with me and i won't forget the 1st whispers wishing me "Happy Birthday!" on that particular day. Thanks! I really appreciate every single moment that we've spent together.

So, being 27 and still single? Be proud of it!

~nota pada 16/05/2005~

Last weekend would be the best weekend i have ever had after quite sometimes...although i went to Penang for work, i've been entertained and treated as a vip...hahaha!!!! A huge thank you to Penang friends - Shah, Ramen and Lewis, for such a wonderful weekend together...and sorry coz i only informed to u my arrival on saturday...anyway, we had fun together, lepak at Gurney side..chatting and laughing mostly...and the best thing was when i got a bouquet of roses from Shah as an 'ole-ole' from Cameron Highlands...yea!! I might as well took it as an advance birthday gift...hehehe...

I really appreciate for every single thing they've done for me during my stay in Penang...especially when they willingly spending time though its already late at nite and everyone was busy with work...I really hope to see u guys again...

'Makan' in Penang is the greatest...and i will never forget its 'banana pancake with ice cream n honey'...SLluurrrpppp....yummiee! And i finally admit that Penang is a food heaven!

Planning to go Penang again, and this time around for my holiday......hmmmm.....dreaming...........ZZZzzzzzzzzzzz....................

~notes on 14/05/2005~

Patience is a great virtue...
Sometimes, we are in such a hurry to get results that we blame God for dissapointing us!
But He is just testing our patience and results always appear at the right time.
Patience and faith...
Two ingredients to a satisfied and happy life.
Have faith and have patience...Results will come...