Wednesday, November 25, 2009

~nota pada 25/12/2005~

How would you feel looking into the eyes of the person you love and yet you know it won't be yours forever? I bet you just can' can't control the mixed feeling deep inside your heart...the love the miss him/her...yet you mad/angry/hate, simultaneously...all the things or feelings which drive you crazy whenever you think of him/her.

It's hard to forget someone who was once your bestfriend...yet your boyfriend/girlfriend at another stage...after a while, after the feelings're left alone...And how would you feel, what would you do, seeing him/her right in front of your eyes, walking hand in hand with someone else, and can still smiling, softly greets nothing happens between you?
It's been hard for me for quite sometimes now. I thought I could get through this easily and without hesitate. But, at the end of the day, I realize that I'm weak. My brain gets tired, slower and weaker than anyone else ever imagine. I'm not trying to be hypocrite, I hate that, but I'm trying my best to be be myself. The one whom my friends and family know best. But, where...............
I, myself, sometimes, searching where I've been...where I am...I'm losing it...I'm losing the grip. I still need someone to pull me up, to pull me through this. Other than praying, I can't do much to get this feeling or thought out of my mind, alone. The worst, I keep these all by myself. I'm not ready to tell anyone, not even my closest friend. The only thing I need is people seeing me as what I strong, as happy, as bubbly as they know all these while...forever. Other than that, nope, no way they'll know what I'm thinking or feeling.

Sounds like selfish...but heck...hell with what people saying. And trust me, I can be as cruel as you can ever imagine. Don't hate me if i get too serious or cynical at times. I'm a Gemini, can change my personality in a split second. So, forgive me for what I am.

But above all...I love my friends, my family...for being there, through my ups and downs. Though I guess, they would be the last persons on earth to know what happens to me, yet they still accept me...sharing the odd and happy times together. I'm still not alone I hope. They are my strength, but believe me, I'm not as strong as I was before. I need times to heal...and to be able laughing or smiling I lost my strength when someone told that I'm not his someone anymore........................................

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