Read to the end . . . a new twist
1)
The bandage was wound around
the wound.
2)
The farm was used to produce
produce .
3)
The dump was so full that it had to
refuse more refuse.
4)
We must polish the Polish furniture.
5)
He could lead if he
would get the lead
out.
6)
The soldier decided to desert
his dessert in the desert.
7)
Since there is no time like the present,
he thought it was time to present
the present .
8)
A bass was painted
on the head of the bass drum.
9)
When shot at, the dove dove
into the bushes.
10)
I did not object to
the object.
11)
The insurance was invalid
for the invalid.
12)
There was a row
among the oarsmen about how to row
.
13)
They were too close
to the door to close
it.
14)
The buck does funny
things when the does
are present..
15)
A seamstress and a sewer
fell down into a sewer
line.
16)
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17)
The wind was too
strong to wind the
sail.
18)
Upon seeing the tear
in the painting I shed a tear.
19)
I had to subject
the subject to a
series of tests.
20)
How can I intimate this
to my most intimate
friend?
Let's
face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor
ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins
weren't invented in England
or French fries in France
. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are
meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we
find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a
guinea pig is neither from
Guinea nor is it a pig.
And
why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't
the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends
but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of
all but one of them, what do you call it?
If
teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the
English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally
insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a
recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and
feet that smell?
How
can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you
fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by
going on.
English
was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity
of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why,
when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out,
they are invisible.
PS.
- Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?
You lovers of the English language might
enjoy this .
There is a two-letter word that perhaps
has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'
It's easy to understand UP,
meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in
the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a
meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why
do we speak UP and
why are the officers UP for
election and why is it UP to
the secretary to write UP a
report ?
We
call UP our friends. And we use it to
brighten UP a
room, polish UP the
silver; we warm UP the leftovers
and clean UP the
kitchen. We lock UP the
house and some guys fix UP the
old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning.
People stir UP trouble,
line UP for tickets, work UP an
appetite, and think UP excuses. To be
dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is
special.
And
this UP is confusing: A drain must be
opened UP
because it is stopped UP. We open UP a
store in the morning but we close it UP at
night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about
UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper
uses of UP, look
the word UP in
the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost
1/4th of the page and can add UP to
about thirty definitions. If you are UP to
it, you might try building UP a
list of the many ways UP is
used. It will take UP a lot
of your time, but if you don't give UP, you
may wind UP with
a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP .
When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP...
When it rains, it wets the earth and often
messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things
dry UP.
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for
now my time is UP,
so........it is time to shut UP!
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